Two Best Friends Play

Resident Evil 4 HD

Resident Evil 4 HD Title.png
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Game Resident Evil 4 (Steam re-release)
Episodes 23
Combined Length 12:12:04
Original Run Apr 23, 2014 - July 6, 2014
Controller Pat
“Did you see those dirtbags started a wiki article about every time I fuck up!?” — Pat

Two Best Friends Play Resident Evil 4 HD is a full Let's Play in which Matt and Pat discuss fire effects, abuse animals, recite lines before the characters can say them, organise their attache case, listen to the Log Horizon opening, and suplex evil priests.

About[edit | edit source]

The most complete party ever thrown!
— Playlist description

Quotes[edit | edit source]

We gotta remember when the dumb moments are, and shut our stupid, stupid whore mouths. I can't just keep jamming Resident Evil in my whore mouth.
In fact, you get rewarded for animal cruelty. No wonder this is Woolie's favorite Resident Evil.
That dog!
Matt & Pat
... so if I fuck up, I should feel really ashamed.
Remember when we said we'd never do this because the game is too good?
Now I don't speak Spanish, but I believe he is like, 'Suck my balls'.
I was looking at stuff like, what if we did a no-merchant run... and then I was like, 'fuck that'.
Remember when we played this last, and you accidentally killed the guy?
That's the joke I'm mating. I'm mating with this joke
Everyone would be like, 'Pat, your dick is huge.', but no, it's not though.
You know what they say about fish with big mouths... they're easy to catch.
Too bad your chainsaw doesn't have a scope, you fucking turd!
... cause who's never wanted to suplex an evil priest? It's the American Dream, really.
I need more goat testicles, in my mouth.
Draw a butt, and if you get an erection, you may have a problem.
Pat, quoting advice from Plague of Gripes
Merchant Obama is the worst Obama.
I remember all the things people do to me when I'm unconscious.
Not all the things.
I'm looking at your vagina.
Can you see them? Why am I physically getting off the couch to look?
I wonder if the penetration of the Punisher...
I always ask myself that same question!
Learn how to swim kids... If you don't know how to swim, learn how to.
What happens if Waterworld happens? Then you're fucked!
How rude. I can't believe you were talking about my weird monkey ears!
I am just dripping with flash grenades.
And now the viewer will think they could do it better.
Your dad gave me permission to beat you.
Pat, to Ashley
Thanks Obama.
Ashley wanted to spend her time with a guy that doesn't get her asshole maced.
I was actually thinking, should I reload my save file to get back those four shotgun shells?
I assume the snake ate the chicken egg, and there's not some sort of weird snake/chicken hybrid running around.
If I went to church and the dude was pile driving like, a dummy of Satan....
Please don't sniper scope my asshole this time.
When I say you have to fight invisible enemies in a survival horror game, you'd probably go, 'Fuck you and fuck that!'
I can't wait to get shot in the mouth.
Man, this riot shotgun looks so fucking cool.
Why are we making fun of blind people?
He just got done with the coitus, and he calls her 'fuckface!?'
That parasite horse gets good gas mileage.
Hey Ashley, solve your own murder!
Did you see those dirtbags started a wiki article about every time I fuck up!?
This is the new fetish. American school girls doing menial tasks.
To be fair though, I am an idiot.
I hope you didn't accidentally sell me anything too early, Stranger.
Matt as the Merchant
No Matt, no kisses. This is Resident Evil 4 not Kisscraft.
Problems are about to be solved... with this shotgun.
Matt and Pat, in perfect unison
I think you should make it the most disorganized ever.
Matt about the attache case
Just start flipping guns upside down.
You wanna push this dumb, nonsense word salad farther?
Ada, are you first-basin' it with that piece of loose leaf?!
Matt, as Leon in response to Ada's kiss mark on her letter
I like a girl with a wide hit box.
These carrots are delicious.
Is that your trouser snake or is that some weird fish?
The dolphins trying to get its dick wet, which is weird cause it's in the ocean.
That's how you determine best friends. When you drink and somebody goes too far and you forgive them.
They can eat whatever they want and never gain a pound. I'm so jealous.
Matt, on Regenerators
First lady of stink butt.
His big, pulsating, red, parasite nipples.
“'Get off my Obama plane!', said Harrison Ford.
Team Blacktail probably likes Jacob. Edward for life.
They bat their eyelashes, and when you look down, your dick is gone.
The hotter the female spy, the less trustworthy they are.
They're gonna Eskimo kiss. Just a little bit, in case Ada wants to write some fan fics later.
Maybe he'll forget his entire plan if my burn is sick enough.
Shake that healthy Ganado proboscis.
Have you ever asked Zach to do something, and he's like, 'No, I'm gonna betray you.'?
So, he's Ganados. You can tell because... we're making out.
Pat, on the Merchant
Leon, please save my monkey ears.
Dick axes are the worst.
Well, I'm glad that this super flawless RE4 run is nearly over.
Go up there and look up your own dress.
Imagine if Leon wore heels.
We should just make Liam wear heels.
All the time?
Yeah! As opposed to all those other times he wears heels!
This is me physically backtracking opinions.
I would download the fuck out of a car.
I think you're just mixing the Will Ferrell-verse intro Anchorman.
Hey kids, one day, when you're an old guy, you'll be like, "Ah, crap"
Please stay tuned for our full LP of Resident Evil 4 with the Chicago Typewriter.

Pat's Failure Record[edit | edit source]

Deaths[edit | edit source]

Part Three Intentionally killed by Del Lago showing off an easter egg.
Part Six Ashley killed in the second El Gigante encounter.
Part Six Killed by a Ganado on the tram ride to the barn.
Part Six Impaled by Bitores Mendez.
Part Eight Ashley killed by Cultist Ganado.
Part Eight Ashley shot by Pat during crank sequence (1st time).
Part Eight Ashley shot by Pat during crank sequence (2nd time).
Part Nine Grappled by a Zealot in a cage match.
Part Ten Ashley shot by Pat while freeing her from captivity.
Part Ten Killed by flail-wielding Zealots.
Part Eleven Flailed by a Zealot after walking into an exploding rocket.
Part Eleven Intentionally killed showing off a brutal death via spike pit.
Part Twelve Squished by a falling piston trap.
Part Thirteen Killed by Queen Plaga's instant death attack.
Part Sixteen Axed by a Soldier while being distracted by Kano.
Part Sixteen Killed by a crossbow-wielding Soldier.
Part Sixteen Ashley flailed to death off-screen.
Part Eighteen Killed by minigun turret Ganado.

Eighteen deaths

Missed Treasures[edit | edit source]

Part Two Brass Pocket Watch hanging over the well just before Mendez's house (10,000 PTAs)
Part Three Antique Pipe in the swamp before Del Lago (10,000 PTAs)
Part Three

Gold Bangle w/ Pearls in nest on path before Del Lago (10,000 PTAs)

Part Five Red Gem in Ganado camp (5,000 PTAs. Elegant Mask is sold for 15,000 instead of 20,000.)
Part Eight Ten Spinels and an Illuminados Pendant dropped by the praying zealots (32,000 PTAs)
Part Ten Gold Bangle in Ashley section (8,500 PTAs)
Part Ten Spinel (2,000 PTAs)
Part Ten Elegant Chessboard in cabinet next to Queen's Grail (13,000 PTAs)
Part Eleven Green Gem (2,000 PTAs. Elegant Mask is sold for 15,000 and Green Gem is sold for 3,000. As a result, 2,000 PTAs are lost.)
Part Eleven Butterfly Lamp (26,500 PTAs lost) (32,000 for full lamp - 5,500 for the 3 eyes that go into it that Pat sold)
Part Thirteen Gold Bangle in the chest to the right before taking the lift to the top of the tower (8,500 PTAs)
Part Fifteen Emerald in the Operating Room next to where the Regenerador is laying (3,000 PTAs)
Part Sixteen

Green Stone of Judgement next to Merchant in a case (15,000 PTAs, Golden Lynx is sold in the very same room for 20,000 instead of 35,000)

Part Seventeen Emerald hidden in the skylight at the begining of the episode (3,000 PTAs)
Total A total of 148,500 PTAs is lost in missed treasures

"I'm sure the guys making the list are well aware."

Pat's Failure Record (Separate Ways)[edit | edit source]

Part Twenty Two

Killed by axe-wielding militant Ganado (Kano) while attempting to hop down a platform and run past enemies grounded by a shotgun blast.


Shot by JJ's gatling gun whilst attempting to outgun him with the TMP.

Part FINAL Killed by Krauser's bullshit QTEs (while trying to use the "knife damage amplifier" cheat from Leon's campaign mode).
Part FINAL Hit with Saddler's creepy tentacle as he was trying to escape.
Part FINAL Backhanded by Saddler's creepy tentacle.
Part FINAL Killed by Saddler's creepy tentacle in the sped-up sequence.

Killed by Saddler's creepy tentacle in the sped-up sequence.

Total Six deaths

Resident Evil 4 HD Seperate Ways Result.png

Times[edit | edit source]

So, this game has a completely fucked sense of progression because you fly through all the way to Chapter 4...and this is Chapter 4-1, right, of 5-4. There's only 5-4, but from 4 to the end of 5 is more than, like, two thirds of the game. ...I feel like they did that numbering just to fool you and provide value.
Chapter Time Chapter Time Chapter Time Chapter Time Chapter Time
1-1 30:21 2-1 27:32 3-1 41:44 4-1 61:01 5-1 51:23
1-2 17:17 2-2 18:40 3-2 34:20 4-2 18:44 5-2 24:24
1-3 31:12 2-3 43:10 3-3 15:49 4-3 17:28 5-3 40:19
3-4 13:22 4-4 26:06 5-4 37:35
1 1:18:50 2 1:29:22 3 1:45:15 4 2:03:19 5 2:33:41


1-1 to 3-4 4:33:27 4-1 to 5-4 4:38:00

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • The original Resident Evil 4 episode was released during the second season of the Machinima series.
  • This playthrough marked the return of voting for full Let's Plays, with a Straw Poll set up here.
  • The title art was drawn by Plague of Gripes. It portrays Pat as Salazar, Matt as Ashley, Plague as Salvador, and Shinji Mikami as a crow.
    • If one looks closely under the left wing of the crow above Leon, they can see a flash grenade.
  • In part nine, Matt challenges Pat to not get bitten by a single snake in a crate, stating that if he does it will make up for all of his deaths. However, Pat fails in part eleven.
  • After receiving several complaints to make his attache case more organized, Pat has made a point to constantly keep his attache case as disorganized as possible, purely out of spite. Even Pat recognizes that this is an asshole thing to do.
    • Upon losing the progress he made on disorganizing the attache case after getting killed in part sixteen, Pat made a "truce" with people who wanted him to keep his case organized.

Gallery[edit | edit source]

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